AGE: It seems to me that whenever I tuned in to NBC’s TODAY show, you were there with words of wisdom. CNN too. Do you enjoy being the on-air expert?

I enjoy being one of their “Go To” resources, especially when something really challenging happens in the world. Shootings, Hurricanes, Recession, Death of a loved one, and also just in general, offering ways to get through tough times. I remember being on TODAY right after Robin Williams died (I was a great fan of his) and talking about depression and suicide in the shadow of his death. 

AGE: How did your career on TV begin?  

The first time I was an “on air expert” was on a Cable Health News show in Los Angeles in the late 70s.  I was working at the John Tracy Clinic and getting my PhD at UCLA. I was asked to talk about the impact of a child who has a disability on the typical siblings in that family. This was the subject of my work at the time (along with working with parents of kids who had disabilities). I was very prepared, but it didn’t go as expected. 

In the “green room,” I met another person who was also there to be interviewed. We spoke about our respective topics. Then she went on before me and gave all of the information I had prepared!  I was incredulous. When she stepped away I was so shocked, I had no words. Then I was “up next” and on camera. I took a deep breath and remembered that I needed to get her OUT OF MY HEAD so I could focus. All of my points had already been given so I tried to expand the topic. 

AGE: How did you handle the interview?

I breathed and told myself that I knew this topic inside out and that there were lots of illustrative stories and examples that could still be discussed, and to just stay focused.

AGE: What did this first time on TV teach you?

I learned a lot from that experience: try not to share what you intend to say because some people will use it as theirs, or maybe they will just say the last thing that is told to them even if it is not their material! Either way, your material is no longer relevant if it has already been aired. Prepare for the questions as well as the outlying areas because you never know what you will be asked to discuss. Expect the unexpected and breathe and be present so you can handle the moment and be professional. 

AGE: You also appeared on the Donahue Show in the 80’s and 90’s - how did that come about?

I was actually on the last Donahue show that was filmed in Chicago before it moved to New York. I’ll never forget it because it was on Thanksgiving weekend and it was about my first book called “Sisters.”  

My publisher had sent the book to the show but we never heard anything from them. I kept asking my publisher and they said the show must not be interested. I told him that I was going to try myself and he said “good luck -- if you get yourself on the Donahue show I promise you that we will have your book in the windows of every major bookstore when it airs.” So I picked up the phone and I called and spoke to a producer who was so lovely. Lucky for me, she had just given birth to twin girls and thought my book was a great idea -- to have a show about sisters  (and by the way, the show hadn’t received the book). She booked me then and there.

My sister, Daryl, flew to Chicago to meet me, and three women who were featured in the book also came, and the Donahue producer also booked two women sister basketball players. One of them had gone to the Olympics and when she won the Olympic medal she took it off and put it on her sister’s neck. They also had an entire audience filled with women who were sisters.

It was quite wonderful. But guess what? When the show aired, none of the bookstores had received my books!  I do remember one really weird thing that happened before the show. The makeup artist put make up on me and I broke out in a terrible rash and my eyes swelled up and started to close. This was just moments before we were supposed to do the show. So we took off all of the makeup and put ice cubes on my eyes and I looked all blotchy when I went on. But I had the most wonderful experience and then flew to NJ to celebrate Thanksgiving with my sister and her family and my parents.

AGE: Which other appearances stand out in your mind? 

I was on the TODAY show in January, 2011. The producer and Matt Lauer asked if I could meet with a man, backstage, to help him because after our segment he was very nervous and appeared fragile. He had been living on the street (homeless) for seven years, had substance abuse problems, and was discovered on the street corner because he had an amazing “golden voice.” He had been brought to NYC to be on the TODAY show. So when I was asked to help, I met with him and we breathed together, meditated… and I had no idea that when he was on the next segment he would quote me about meditation as a way for him to get through.  (He was a lovely guy and we stayed in touch for quite some time. Sadly, his sudden rise to fame and the many people who were “advising” him worked against him). 

Also, right after 9/11, I was asked to be on the TODAY show to talk about “when it would be okay to laugh again.” I had been on to offer some words of calm and thought this was an amazing question. In the green room, I was talking to this really nice guy who was asked to be on because he was a comedian. The man was Jon Stewart.  While each of us was waiting to go on, we had a wonderful conversation about the healing power of laughter.  To this day I do not remember what I said but I will never forget the conversation Jon and I had in the green room (I am SURE he does not have any recollection!)

AGE: Any other behind-the-scenes stories?

This might sound silly but... I was getting my makeup and hair done and the door to the private make up room behind me was closed. All of a sudden, someone walked out and I saw the “head” of Miss Piggy on a wig stand. I was mortified and sad. Here was this icon, dismembered!  

AGE: Did anything surprise you about how shows were put together, booked, or anything else? 

What I learned was that some of the hosts stuck to the script and some didn’t. Some asked the questions I had expected and others asked whatever they liked. Some spoke about their personal observations and others kept it very tight to the vest. I got used to it and enjoyed the ride. I remember I was talking about Alzheimer’s Disease with a host and was told that no matter what we would not talk about a family member of hers who had it. So I was incredibly surprised when ½ way through our conversation she spoke about her own situation. It was very tender and I was asked to come back and discuss it more the following day. 

Another time, I remember arriving for a show and was very late due to traffic. The segment had been moved a few times because of my delay, and I was talking to the producer on the phone the whole time in the car, and we were discussing the questions I’d be asked. Finally, I arrived and was rushed to the set (without makeup or hair being done). It seems that the host did not want to discuss what I was there to discuss and wanted to change the topic! So we talked about something totally different from what I expected (this was not the first time this happened). 

AGE: As an author of seven books and numerous articles, you do a good deal of public speaking. Do you have any tricks or techniques you use to overcome the fear or anxiety?

For some reason it is not a fear of mine. Having said that, I try to notice what is happening in my body and try to stay aware of what is going on. Is my heart beating faster, is my mouth dry? I just notice and try not to get carried away with it. I breathe and usually drink some water.

If possible, I try to scan the group beforehand and find a few people who look friendly and focus on them at the beginning of my talk. I often think of my parents who reminded me that I can do it (whatever it is).  If I am speaking to a smaller group, I go up to people, introduce myself, ask them their names, and thank them for coming. I like to “personalize” the experience if I can. I also try to walk away from the podium as much as possible so there is less of a barrier. Also, if I am using slides, I just reference them and not read from them. Over the years I have “lightened” my slides and graphics to just a few essential words or points or pictures. The story follows from there. 

AGE: I love the title of your latest book, The Kindness Advantage. What sparked the idea to write it?

My niece, Amanda Salzhauer, and I wrote it together. I had been giving talks related to raising financially responsible and compassionate kids and noticed how empathy and connectedness was missing in the lives and interactions of many children. I spoke about this with my niece who is a social worker and we both recognized that there was much space and opportunity for kindness that was not being filled. Kids were being rewarded for academic, and performance successes but not really encouraged and acknowledged for being thoughtful and also engaging in acts of kindness. So we decided to write it. It took us five years! When it came out, the biggest compliment was how timely it was. 

 AGE: How have you dealt with life during the COVID-19 pandemic? Can you share any advice?

I believe many of the lessons learned during this time will be learned upon reflection. But, now, I find that being in nature as much as I can, breathing deeply and intentionally, and staying connected to myself and others is paramount. Focusing on what I (we) have, particularly good health, is essential, and I find that acknowledging that every day in concrete ways by expressing gratitude and appreciation is helpful. For example, when I call friends or family I try to tell them special things about them that I appreciate or what I have learned from them. 

Relying on my inner strength and remembering times before in my life when we got through fear, anxiety, living with uncertainty. For instance, when I lived in Israel in 1973, the Yom Kippur War broke out. It was a scary time. Much of what I learned then about myself and my strength and adaptability has helped me now.  I also look to role models who have inspired me because of how they got through difficult situations.  My parents, other people who have survived trying times and kept hope and optimism alive when they came through. This is very important to me. 

As I talk to people about resilience, I like to emphasize the necessity of using everything that happens as an opportunity for growth. Even the stuff that is really tough. We need to find ways to change our thinking and how we respond to situations if our present ways are not healthy. We can do it. Resilience, like kindness, is something we must practice. 

AGE: Can you provide a web address and contact info?

Website: www.drdaleatkins.com

Book: www.thekindnessadvantagebook.com

Email: dale@drdaleatkins.com